So first off, this game is looking cool. I'm really excited about being a backer and participating in the alpha testing. I have several comments and suggestions, and will try to divide them into separate topics for consideration...
The game starts with the girl standing in a mysterious tower. Since the castle itself is full of traps and enemies, one may assume that the girl did not choose to be here. In other words she was imprisoned here against her will. Yet... there are no signs of imprisonment. But that's all we know. How long has this girl been here? Was she recently brought here by the evil sorceress, or has she lived in this tower her whole life?
- If she was brought to the castle recently, then what was the reason? Why would someone benefit from
holding her captive?
- If she has always lived in the castle, then why hasn't she ever tried to explore the place before? We're
left with the impression that the girl woke up one day after 7 years of life and suddenly decided to leave.
Every good story fills the audience with questions, but we need a few answers upfront, or we're left befuddled and lost. You should always start off with at least one concrete fact. A starting goal that motivates the player to WANT to play your game. At least let us know why the girl wants to escape. Is she trying to get home, or is she just curious about the world outside? A short opening cut scene could really help to convey the characters' motivation.
The game starts with the girl standing in a mysterious tower. Since the castle itself is full of traps and enemies, one may assume that the girl did not choose to be here. In other words she was imprisoned here against her will. Yet... there are no signs of imprisonment. But that's all we know. How long has this girl been here? Was she recently brought here by the evil sorceress, or has she lived in this tower her whole life?
- If she was brought to the castle recently, then what was the reason? Why would someone benefit from
holding her captive?
- If she has always lived in the castle, then why hasn't she ever tried to explore the place before? We're
left with the impression that the girl woke up one day after 7 years of life and suddenly decided to leave.
Every good story fills the audience with questions, but we need a few answers upfront, or we're left befuddled and lost. You should always start off with at least one concrete fact. A starting goal that motivates the player to WANT to play your game. At least let us know why the girl wants to escape. Is she trying to get home, or is she just curious about the world outside? A short opening cut scene could really help to convey the characters' motivation.